"I get so angry when I think of all the unnecessary pain I've caused others by doing things I did not want to but thought I had to - like getting married," he says. Which, in the end, may lead to the first. Today, after several counselling sessions, Anand realises he has two options ahead of him. Learn to be comfortable with it, it is a part of you, he was told. His sexuality - which should have been stark and clear to him - had been enveloped in a haze of denial. He hadn't had sex with his wife in months - but cruising the park for sex occurred almost once a week. To his horror, he learnt that his sexual preference tended more towards homosexual than heterosexual. Finally, driven by spasms of guilt, Anand went to a gay counselling centre in February this year. Then I felt as if I had rid myself of this horrible desire and I hoped it would never come back."īut those still nights kept coming back. Finally, someone would walk up to him, a minute of whispered conversation, and then both would melt into the darkness. An ancient mating ritual was already in progress as he paced up and down, trying to attract attention. Anand slithered into this realm with the ease of an experienced man - moving through the darkness with a painted smile.
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